The digital timer on my microwave has often served as a great limit-setter in our household. Here are three examples:
Taking Turns
“I want to play with the dolphin!”
“I’m playing with it now!”
“But you’ve had a long turn!”
“Well I had it first!”
“No, because I started playing with it this morning!”
“MOMMY!…..”
When I hear this, my first impulse is to go chuck the dolphin into the trash can. But will that teach them how to share? How to play together cooperatively? How to take turns? No, I don’t think so.
Instead, I say “You can give the dolphin to me, or you can learn to take turns.” They always choose turn-taking. I talk to them about the importance of a good attitude during turn-taking, and how that requires patience. Then I set the timer for 10 minutes and give the dolphin to one child (usually the one with the better attitude). When the timer goes off, it’s the other child’s turn and I reset the timer for another 10 minutes. Often, during that time, the kids completely forget about it and move on to other toys. If not, I just keep re-setting the timer as they take turns. I think it works because they both know that the timer is ABSOLUTELY FAIR. 10 minutes is 10 minutes.
Play Time with a Guest
My mom is great with kids. She gets down on the floor and plays wonderful imaginative games with them. She will enthusiastically act out the part of a bird, dinosaur, princess, dolphin, or whatever else comes up in the game. So, when she comes to visit, the kids immediately begin begging her… “Please will you play with us? Please, please, PLEASE!” In the beginning, it was really difficult to set limits. If I said, “Let the grownups spend a bit of time together first,” the kids would hover in the doorways waiting for their opportunity to get some play time. If I said “Ok, go play for awhile and then it will be grownup time,” the end of play time would come with whining, crying, and begging for more time. We had to set concrete limits. After all, my mom only has so much energy, and I like to visit with her as well. We all agreed that we would use the kitchen timer for play time. We set the timer for 30 minutes (Mom said that would be do-able) and when it goes off, then play time is over. No exceptions.
Family Clean Up Time
Let’s face it, sometimes we need to get a lot of clean-up done in a short period of time. For example, when your mother-in-law (neighbor, pastor, etc) just called to pick up those books that your husband offered to lend. This is when I make a deal with my kids. I say something like “Remember how you asked me to play Legos with you? Well, I’d like to do that, but I need to quickly clean up the house. I’ll make a deal with you… after you help me clean the house for 20 minutes, I will play Legos with you for 20 minutes.” I set the timer and say “Ready, set, GO!” and we dash around the house picking up toys, laundry, etc. until the timer goes off. Later, I play Legos. And it’s really fun.
What are some ways that you set limits with your kids? Please comment below!