A few weeks ago, I overheard this conversation:
Woman 1: “My 12-year-old granddaughter gave me a scrapbook for my Birthday. It was filled with family photos, and it was so lovely it brought tears to my eyes.”
Woman 2: “Wow! My grandchildren have never given me a gift or a card, and they are in high school.”
Woman 1: “Really? Do you see them often?”
Woman 2: “Yes, they live here in town. Most kids these days don’t know how to do something thoughtful. You’re very lucky.”
In my opinion, luck has little to do with it. Parents, families, educators, and the community teach our children how to be thoughtful. I also believe that thoughtful children become thoughtful adults. Wouldn’t the world be a better place if there were more thoughtful people?
Then I wondered, “What are we doing to teach our children to be thoughtful?” Here are some of the strategies we have used:
Seven Ways To Teach Thoughtfulness
- Model thoughtfulness. Let your children see you giving gifts/cards or lending a helpful hand. Take them with you when you participate in community service responsibilities. Show kindness and empathy when interacting with others.
- Have your child practice gift-giving. A few ideas:
+ Have kids choose and wrap a gift when they are attending a Birthday party.
+ When your child draws a picture, ask who they would like to give it to. Then have them deliver it.
+ Have your child participate in family holiday gift exchanges.
+ Show enthusiasm when your child gives you a gift, no matter how small. - Prioritize kindness over achievement. For example, ask your child’s teacher whether s/he is a good citizen of the classroom community. Notice when your child does something thoughtful, and point it out to him/her.
- Discuss moral dilemmas with your child. For example, choose media and books that have lessons in kindness, helpfulness, giving, etc. and then discuss those lessons. Talk to kids about how to treat others the way they themselves would like to be treated.
- Remember that thoughtfulness does not have to be big or expensive. Tiny notes or appreciative words are enough, and these can be done by even very young children.
- Make sure that your child always treats others with respect, even when they are tired or angry.
- Expect your children to be responsible, respectful, helpful, and considerate. Don’t gush with compliments when they clean up their own toys, but notice when they go above and beyond their normal responsibilities.
Later that week, I was working in my home office when my daughter quietly crept into the room. She took two tissues and three pieces of tape from my desk and snuck back out. Intrigued, I tiptoed to her room to see what she was up to.
As I watched from the open door, she laid out the tissues and put one of her younger sister’s small toys in the center. She carefully wrapped it, taped it, and used a marker to write To: and From: messages.
“What are you doing?” I inquired.
“She lost this a long time ago, and I found it in my closet today. I’m going to surprise her. I can’t wait to see her face. Would you like to watch?”
I followed her down the hall to her sister’s room.
Indeed, little sister squealed with glee at the discovery of her lost toy. The happy exclamations and hugs continued even as I retreated back to my office.
Kids can learn how to be thoughtful by watching others be thoughtful, practicing gift-giving, discussing morality, treating others with respect, and being noticed when they are kind and considerate.
How do you teach your kids to be thoughtful? Add your comments below.